well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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