"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
