Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
