Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
