There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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