Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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