someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
