Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
