oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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