First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
