I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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