I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
