I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
