i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
