Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
