I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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