Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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