mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
