i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
