I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
