dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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