Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
