How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
