so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
