we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
