Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
my vag is so smooth its legendary
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You ruined the universe
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
