we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
