i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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