Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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