I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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