Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
