we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
