Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
