It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
