i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
