Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
