So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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