i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Let's get the cat blown out
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
