I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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