I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
