I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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