You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
