I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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