Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
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I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
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You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize