Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
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