I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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