Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
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When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
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We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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