Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
