Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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