RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
