i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
