Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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