Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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