She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
