Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
All the doctor said was why
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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