Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
