dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
