I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
