i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
