Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize