I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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