The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
