they need to just BURY HIM!
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
