3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
