he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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