He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
