Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
