I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
