Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
