my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We are all done wearing pants today
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
