My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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